So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize