the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
