im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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