ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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