Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Come on in and take your pants off
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