i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
