Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
