summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i think i just naturally attract stoners
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
