fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
