Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it penis luge time yet?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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