To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
