At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
