Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
