I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
