I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
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Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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