Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
