Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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