does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
