So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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