it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was like eating out sand paper
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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