i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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