you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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