these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
