thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
