I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
