Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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