I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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