I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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