Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
