why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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