So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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