i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
