i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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