You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
