I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
