Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
