From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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