Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
