So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
