I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
