so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
