You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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