dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
