every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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