He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
