just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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