you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
