I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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