New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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