okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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