Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
