your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
