When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
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Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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