According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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