I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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