God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
