Walk of Shame. In a state park.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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