mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
