i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
