Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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