so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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