Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
